House Guest from hell.
by Nedy Neon
Summary: ?????????? People try to rent the garage apartment from the Camden family
1. Default Chapter

7th HEAVEN  
  
HOUSE GUEST FROM HELL   
  
A tall man in a brown robe w/ long hair and a beard walks up to the Camden house. The man knocks on the door Ruthie answers the door .  
  
"Where's the apartment and give me the apartment" Says the man.   
  
"Mom !" Ruthie yells.  
  
Annie Camden comes to the door.  
  
"Yes Ruthie ?"   
  
"Mom this man wants to talk to you about the apartment" Says Ruthie looking up at her mom.  
  
"Run along Ruthie, Come in sir."  
  
"Where's the apartment and give me the apartment" The man says again.  
  
"Yes well, I'm Annie Camden and you are ?"  
  
"Christ." Says the man  
  
"I'm sorry ? What was that ?" Asks Annie   
  
"Jesus, Jesus Christ" He says  
  
"I'm sorry I don't think..."  
  
He cuts her off "Where's the apartment and give me the apartment."  
  
*DING*  
  
"Uh, please excuse me one minute" Annie gets up and walks to the door.  
  
When she opens it there is a man w/ a small black mustache.  
  
"I'm here about the apartment" He says in a heavy German accent.  
  
"I'm seeing someone right now, could you maybe come back later ?" Asks Annie w/ a small smile  
  
"NIEN!!" Yells the man   
  
"Ok, well please come in and take a seat."  
  
The man walks in to the living room w/ Annie right behind him. The man stops short and he sees the other man sitting in the living room.  
  
"Jesus!!" Says the man.  
  
Jesus stands up.  
  
"Hitler, so we meet again" Jesus says.  
  
"You will pay" Hitler says w/ rage in his voice.  
  
"I won that ping pong game fare and square"  
  
"You lie!!" Yells Hitler  
  
"You want a piece of this?"  
  
"Just bring it Jesus, I killed six million of your people this will be like pie."  
  
"Yea well my people couldn't do this." Says Jesus as he starts to float.  
  
"Yes they could"   
  
"Your gay"  
  
"I am not !!!" Hitler yells  
  
"Hitler just leave I'm getting the apartment and there is nothing you can do about it"  
  
"Over my dead body"   
  
"Fine Hitler, there is only one way to see who gets the apartment"  
  
"And that is ?"  
  
"Rock, Paper, scissors shoot" Jesus lands on the ground a few feet from Hitler.   
  
"Your on Jesus"  
  
~LATER THAT DAY~  
  
All the Camden family is sitting in the living room getting ready to watch Jesus and Hitler play for the apartment. Lucy is the ref for the match.  
  
"Rock...Paper Scissors....Shoot" Says Lucy  
  
Hitler tosses out rock and Jesus paper.  
  
"Nien....." Hitler says w/ tears in his eyes.  
  
"Sorry Hitler that's just the way things go" Annie says.  
  
"I am so great" Jesus dancing around the room.   
  
Reverent Camden walks in the front door.  
  
"What's going on here ?" He asks as he looks around and sees Jesus dancing and Hitler crying.  
  
"Well uh.....Jesus is going to be moving in w/ us" Says Annie w/ confused look on her face.  
  
"What in the apartment ?" asks the reverent.  
  
"Uh yea" says Annie w/ a small smile  
  
"He can't"   
  
Everyone looks at him confused.  
  
"What you talking about ?" Asks Jesus w/ a look of anger on his face.  
  
"I already renting the apartment/" He says  
  
"To who ?" Asks Annie  
  
"Oh this real nice guy.." He thinks for a minute  
  
"Oh yea his name is Master Yoda" Eric says w/ a smile.  
  
Everybody just looks at each other.   
  
FADE OUT. 


	2. Pulp Heaven

7th HEAVEN  
  
HOUSE GUEST FROM HELL   
  
EPISODE 2  
  
PULP HEAVEN  
  
PULP (pulp) n. 1. A soft, moist, shapeless  
mass or matter.  
  
2. A magazine or book containing lurid  
subject matter and being characteristically  
printed on rough, unfinished paper.  
American Heritage Dictionary New College Edition  
  
HEAVEN (heaven) n. 1 : the expanse of space that seems to be over the earth like a dome  
  
2 a : often capitalized : the dwelling place of the Deity and the joyful abode of the blessed dead b : a spiritual state of everlasting communion with God   
  
3 : capitalized : GOD 1   
  
4 : a place or condition of utmost happiness   
  
5 : Christian Science : a state of thought in which sin is absent and the harmony of divine Mind is manifest   
  
SEVENTH HEAVEN (seventh heaven)   
  
1 : A state of extreme joy   
  
Jules Vincent and Marvin drive down the street.   
  
"Marvin, what do you make of all this?" Asks Vincent  
  
"I don't even have an opinion" He replies.  
  
"C'mon, Marvin. Do you think God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets?" Vincent goes on.  
  
*BANG*  
  
A gun shot goes off and blood splatters everywhere.  
  
"What the fuck just happed?" Yells Jules  
  
"I shot Marvin in the face"  
  
"Why the fuck you shoot Marvin in the face?"  
  
"I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. You hit a bump or somethin' and the gun went off."  
  
"The car didn't hit no motherfuckin' bump!"  
  
"Look at this mess! We're drivin' around on a city street in broad daylight" Says Jules .  
  
"We gotta get this car off the road. Cops tend to notice shit like you're driving a car drenched in fuckin' blood." Continues Jules.   
  
"Can't we just take it to a friendly place?" Asks Vincent w/ panic on his voice.   
  
"This is the Valley, Vincent. Marsellus don't got no friendly places in the Valley!" Yells Jules.  
  
"Well, don't look at me, this is your town, Jules"   
  
Jules takes out a cellular phone and starts punching digits.   
  
"Who ya callin'?" Vincent asks  
  
"A buddy of mine in Glenoak"  
  
"Where's Glenoak?"  
  
"On the other side of the hill, if Erick's ass ain't home, I don't know what the fuck we're gonna go. I ain't got any other partners in 818.(into phone) Erick! How you doin' man, it's Jules.(pause) Listen up man, me an' my homeboy are in some serious shit. We're in a car we gotta get off the road, pronto! I need to use your garage for a couple hours.(pause) Erick, you know I can't get into this shit on a cellular fuckin' phone. But what I can say is my ass is out in the cold and I'm askin' you for some sanctuary 'til our people can bring us in.(pause) I appreciate this, man --(pause) We'll be gone by then.(pause) -- Erick I'm aware of your situation. I ain't gonna fuck things up for you. I give you my word, partner, she'll never know we were there.(pause) Five minutes. Later."   
  
"Alright we're all set" Says Jules as he folds up the phone.  
  
~CAMDEN HOUSE - FEW MINUTES LATER~  
  
Jules & Vincent pull up to the house.  
  
"Alright man just be cool in here" Jules says to Vincent.  
  
"Alright I got ya"  
  
"Vincent I'm not playing this guy he's a nice guy, he's got a wife and kids and shit"  
  
"Alright man, lets just get the fuck in there"  
  
Vincent and Jules step out of the car. They walk up and knock on the front door, the reverent Camden answers the door.  
  
"Hello Jules, come in" Says The reverent.  
  
"Hey man sorry about this but I really need the help" Says Jules  
  
"It's fine Jules just you and your friend have a seat"   
  
"Oh yea this is Vincent" Says Jules pointing to Vincent.  
  
"So can I see this problem of yours?" Asks Erick   
  
"Oh yea, but you might freak out a bit" Jules warns  
  
They walk out to the garage and Erick takes a look at the car.  
  
"What happed here ?" Asks Erick   
  
"Vincent being the dumb ass that he is shot our buddy Marvin here in the face"  
  
"I said it was an accident"  
  
"Alright just chill out, I think I know who can help" Says Erick   
  
~GARAGE APARTMENT~  
  
Erick, Jules and Vincent walk up and Erick knocks on the door.  
  
"Come in you may" Says a voice from in the apartment.  
  
They walk in and in a small chair sits a little green thing.  
  
"Master Yoda" Says Erick  
  
"Erick nice to see you again and who are your friends ?" Yoda asks as he looks at Jules like he knows him.  
  
"Well this is Jules and this Vincent"   
  
"Hi" Both Vincent and Jules say at the same time.  
  
"Master Windu" Says Yoda as he looks at Jules  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about ?" Asks Jules w/ some kind of laugh.  
  
"Changed you have"  
  
"Yo Erick what's up w/ nigga ?" Jules turns to Erick  
  
Erick just shakes his head as to say "I don't know"  
  
"Master Windu missed you I have. Feared the dark side had got you"  
  
"Man I don't know who the fuck you think I am but I ain't no fucking master Window or whatever"   
  
"Dark side clouds all"   
  
"Yo Jules lets get the fuck out of here" Says Vincent  
  
"Uh yea lets get going" Jules replies  
  
"I'll see you later master Yoda" Says Erick as him and the others head for the door.  
  
"Wait!! Master Windu" Yoda says right as they open the door.  
  
"What the fuck now ?" Says Jules as he, Erick and Vincent turn around.  
  
"Ahh!!!!!!!" Yoda yells as he jumps in the air w/ a light-saber   
  
"What the fuck is that crazy bitch doing ?!!" Jules yells as Yoda comes down cutting Vincent in half.  
  
"See now, do you Master Windu ?" Asks Yoda  
  
"What the fuc" Jules stops and looks around then he looks down at Yoda.  
  
"Master Yoda ?" Asks Jules as he looks down at him.  
  
"The dark side in your friend it was"  
  
"Thank you Master Yoda you helped me see the truth"   
  
"Well I'll just be going now" Says Erick as he walks out the door.   
  
FADE OUT. 


End file.
